Page Four
The Final Assault
These poems were written after the loss of someone I really cared deeply for. He was another whose destiny it was not to love me or at least to not be "in love" with me because there is a world of difference. He gave me something very precious. He freed me to feel deep pain and to suffer greatly. He freed me to feel this and that allowed me let go of all the pain I had been holding inside for so long from so many sources. When I lost him, I was at my darkest hour as they say in the movies. I hurt so much that all the pain just swirled around me and I became acutely aware of all the sources of all my pain. I began to paint again and the painting and the writing of the poems became a journey to reclaim myself. I was now able to feel that pain and to let it go in a way I never had before.
In my art I tried to create all the beauty I thought was missing in my life. At first each painting and each poem took me deeper into despair until I reached my limit. At that point, I felt I had hurt all the hurt out and I started to climb back out of the pit. I said it was like a baptism because I was dipped in pain but I came out of it a much healthier person. I was reborn. I found me again.
Some of these poems are not about him. They are just me releasing the pain.